Why?

If I'm remembering correctly, this is now the 5th time I've started a blog. That means that there are the carcasses of 4 previous blogs out there somewhere in the ether... Even as I sit and type this, I have serious doubts as to what will happen down the road with this one.


My last blog was called 'Images and Words'. The description below the title said that it was a place to dialog about life and ministry. The problem was that I almost never posted  anything about either life or ministry. In general, I posted about whatever was running through my head that day. Sometimes it was a deep thought. Sometimes a rant. Sometimes a look at something that may or may not have been part of the human experience. I did regularly recap each episode of American Idol last season (after Hollywood week was over). In the end, I think that's part of the reason that I let Images and Words die. I looked back at 6 or 7 months worth of blogging and felt like it was all pretty meaningless.


Is it that I don't have anything important or interesting to say? I like to think I'm a pretty interesting person. My wife thinks I am. And I certainly like to believe that I've got important things to say. I'm a youth pastor, for crying out loud. I'm part of a group of people who have the MOST important things to say, when it all comes down to it.


So why? Why do I have four failed blogs floating around the internet? And why did I just create a fifth? "Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?" I don't know. The title of this blog was initially 'Life and Ministry'. My intention was to post things that are relevant to one or both. In my head, I see myself posting about things that have happened or are happening to me, lessons that I've learned, struggles that I'm going through, joys that I've experienced, and other stuff like that. But maybe that's been my problem all along. Maybe my scope has been too large. Maybe I don't know enough, or aren't settled enough, to even nail down a scope at all.


Here's what I know for sure: I talk a lot. I don't always talk about important things, but sometimes I do. I'm no great communicator. I love people. I love stories. I love God. I'm a youth pastor, but I'm not experienced enough or awesome enough to regularly feel like I have much to pass on to others who are in ministry. I would love to pass stuff on to my students through this blog, but none of them read blogs. I don't think their parents do, either.


So here's the punchline - Right now this blog is titled '???'. At some point in the future, my hope is that I'll find a groove or a niche, and that a title will come from that. Because let's be honest, '???' is a pretty crappy blog title. God willing, I will find my place as a productive blogger. But if not, there's always meaningless culture commentary.


Season 9 of American Idol is just around the corner, after all...


Peace.